I don’t know how I let myself put my guards down after several years. Here I was thinking that no other man could destroy me, if I didn’t let let in. But you somehow managed to get into the deep coars on my heart and completely shattered them into millions of sharp little pieces. The worst part is I am not even allowed to feel that. I cannot feel what I feel. I cannot scream what I need to scream, I cannot cry what I need to cry. I have to not only live with the mistake of letting you in, but also hurting the one true man that has always been there, and sabotaging my family. I will have to work at regaining any trust for what?
I had a friend, a confident someone who knew more about my life then any other person. Someone who knew me for who I was, someone who was truly important. I don’t know which parts of it was a lie when it all felt so true? How one beautiful earth-shattering kiss turned my world upside down. Would I have left, probably not. would I have given you all that you needed and vice-versa. I highly doubt it. I keep getting this feeling though it’s been months since I’ve last seen or spoken to you, that you are sad. Probably my own projection. who knows? You have and always will be the unattainable. Sometimes I wish I had never met you, then I think I would’nt have felt what it is to be completely lost and complety free to be me.
I have make the choice to cut out completely out of my life for the sake of my family. I have taken them for granted, and I should be concentrating all my efforts on people who really care. And that is why I thank you for breaking my heart. If I had taken one step further I might have lost everything. You were right that night, you said the right thing to everyone except me.